What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
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