What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
"Alcohol you later."
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
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