Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
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