What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
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