I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
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