Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
"Sip happens."
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
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