What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
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