Potato puns are a-peeling.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
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