What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I love you from my head tomato
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
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