How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
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