The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
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