What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
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