What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I think therefore I yam.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
I love you a tot!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
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