I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
‪My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
‪He says it’s his passion‬.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
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