The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
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