What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
"You had me at merlot."
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
"I make pour decisions."
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
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