How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
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