What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
"It's wine o'clock."
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
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