What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
We’re a perfect mash.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
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