What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
I love you a tot!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
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