All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
You’re wine in a million.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
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