Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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