Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
"Say you'll be wine."
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
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