What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
"I mead more wine."
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
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