What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
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