When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
One should always practice what they peach.
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