What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
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