What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
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