How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
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