Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
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