Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
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