You've really struck a gourd with me...
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Go to BabaMail
