Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
"Partners in wine."
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
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