So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
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