Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
"On cloud wine."
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
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