What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
You’re wine in a million.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
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