Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Go to BabaMail
