What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
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