What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
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