What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
"It's wine o'clock."
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
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