hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
"Adulting makes me wine."
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
You knead me in your loaf.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
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