I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Join us for a slice of fun.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
"Be kind, re-wine."
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
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