Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Go to BabaMail
