What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
"Time to wine down."
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
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