hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
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