Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
"On cloud wine."
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Keep calm and carrot on.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
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