I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
"Say you'll be wine."
"Read between the wines."
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
I yam what I yam.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
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