Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
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