If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
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