Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
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