Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Time to celery-brate.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
"Love the wine you're with."
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
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