Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
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