Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
"Will you accept this rosé?"
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
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