When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
"I make pour decisions."
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
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