My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
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