Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
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