Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
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