Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
"Partners in wine."
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
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