Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
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