The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
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