What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
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