My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Donut even think about taking another donut!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
"Adulting makes me wine."
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
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